Intimacy Education Without Pornography

Because quality intimacy education is so rare, simple mention of the words, intimacy education, draws various energized responses. Embarrassment, shame, and lust seem to be three of the most common reactions. Men frequently cheer. Many women go silent.

Unfortunately, because respectful intimacy education has been hard to find, many men and some women have gone to pornography seeking information that seems unavailable anywhere else. While the education available through pornography may be titillating, it is rarely sensitive to the needs of women. We await new models for teaching adults skills for healthy sexual relationships.

Ultimately, most persons are excited to hear that someone has the courage to break through the social taboo to talk honestly about sexual relationships without resorting to pornography. Many persons of integrity desire to move past the awkwardness, past the fears, past the silence, past the bravado to honest communication. Then listening and learning can begin in an atmosphere of respect for self and otherbody, mind and spirit.

To what or to whom shall we listen if we are to learn and experience the fullness of joy and ecstasy for which our bodies are created?

First, do not listen to the not-so-subtle objectification of persons, especially of women, in most pornography. Other people are not objects to be used for our own gratification. Exhibition sex rarely, if ever, qualifies as true intimacy.

Second, as an adult, one need no longer listen to the internalized messages from parents and other authority figures who thought it their responsibility to prevent adolescent sexual experimentation. Anxiety and fear will always hinder intimacy.

Do listen to your own body. Celebrate the sensations. Pay attention to the power of touch, in all its variations. Women, especially, will usually benefit from permission to listen to the pleasure possibilities built into their bodies, from the tip of ones toes to the top of ones headand everywhere in between.

Do listen to the body of your sexual partner. Celebrate the sensations and honor the differences between you. Pay attention to the power of touch, in all its variations. Heterosexual men, especially, will usually benefit from education about how to listen to their partners body signals. Listening well enough to be the lover your woman desires is a skill worth developing.

Quality, effective intimacy education is unrelated to pornography. Learning to share love with another human being in an atmosphere of delight and respect can be life-changing and relationship-saving. The next time someone offers you quality intimacy education, pay attention. You may discover ecstasy along the way.

Kaye Wray, Ph.D., has been a teacher and researcher for over 35 years. As a bisexual woman, she has paid attention to womens sensuality and sexual responses. Knowing how a woman receives optimum sexual pleasure and how to provide optimum sexual pleasure to a woman, she shares that information with couples serious about improving their relationships, with women who want to claim the fullness of their own sexual passions, and with men who want to be better lovers. For more information, go to http://www.lovingwomenwell.com.Sissy Blog35624
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